Even if it takes years, it is important to heal the wounded places, so we can recover the full use of our heart. For the parts of our heart that are left wounded and unresolved remain preoccupied and not available for us to use in living. If unprocessed, the wounded places become dark and hard. Being vulnerable allows us to recover our heart, because being vulnerable and tender allows our wounds to soften and heal.
Anger, even when legitimate, will harden, if not processed and allowed to soften. Often, when I am angry, it is because I have been hurt. When I can let the anger subside, I discover a sadness beneath it that leads me to examine where I am hurt. When I stay angry, I never let the hurt place soften and so, it can never heal. When stuck in the anger, I keep feeling the hurt, though I can’t locate and tend the hurt. Untended, my heart becomes heavy where it is hard. Then, I walk around with a diminished heart that weighs me down with the wounded part unavailable to experience life. Staying vulnerable is both a cleansing and healing agent that allows us to become whole again. As the ancient sages all confirm, everything softens in time. If we want to soften while still alive, we have to bring our hurt places into the light.
A Question to Walk With: Describe a feeling of anger you carry with you and try to look to the hurt place under that anger. What do you find there? How can you listen to it and hold it?
This excerpt is from my book in progress, The Long Walk Through Time.
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Mark Nepo’s new 3-session webinar will center on the gift and work of relationship-for it is only through the bonds of relationship that we can help each other stay awake.
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